The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy

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Julie Schwartz Gottman is president of the Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software Inc. Say you’re on the phone, and you see your partner sitting deep in thought, then letting out a big sigh. See if you can notice your partner trying to get your attention, trying to get your interest, trying to have a conversation with you, trying to get support from you. On this episode of Small Things Often, we share the antidote for loneliness — and how it will help you and your partner get back on track to connecting emotionally.

JSG: Yeah, the other thing too, about turning towards is if you’ve made a bid for connection in some way, and your partner responds to it in a affirming way to say, “Thank you, I notice that you’re doing something for me.The Gottmans are back, by popular demand, and they’re here to talk about their new book, The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy. Meanwhile, I interpreted his attempts at nonstop micromanagement less as “the sharing of valuable life skills” (his term) than as gaslighting. Being able to self-soothe will allow you to talk to your partner with less tension and stress weighing you down so you can have better and more productive conversations.

Creating these habits instead of fixating on one goal can help you and your partner make small changes in your relationship that’ll make a big difference. JSG: Right, and I was trying to be understanding because you wear hearing aids in both ears, and sometimes the hearing aids may be turned down a little bit because of background noise or something, so when I would say something and there was no response, I wouldn’t know whether you simply didn’t hear what I said, or you heard it, but you chose not to respond to it, I didn’t know.As you do, you’ll be creating shared meaning which, in turn, will deepen your connection and help you grow even closer. When we believe our partner has a low EQ, it's easy to start blaming them for any problems in the relationship, but this isn't productive. Couples that participate in Marathon Couples Therapy receive a scientific evaluation of their relationship from the Gottman Love Lab. Our connection that’s built through turning towards and really responding to each other builds this feeling of, “We exist on the same planet.

Yes, it’s your night to cook — but they KNEW what a crazy day you were having, why didn’t they start dinner? Here’s what I want to do with these two episodes, and we’re actually going to do three episodes, we’re going to do an episode where my mind was blown in the first 15 pages, you take no time busting through some terrible myths that I was clinging on to lovingly like a little life preserver in a sea of hostility. Today’s small thing: The next time you get angry about your partner not doing something, ask yourself, “Did I verbally ask them to do this? Tell your partner that it makes you feel good when they say how much they’ve missed you after a long day.He is the author of numerous best-selling books, including The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, What Makes Love Last, Eight Dates, and more. There is a formula for a good relationship, and this book will show you how a few small changes can fundamentally transform your relationship for the better. Upbringing: If your partner grew up with a parent with low emotional intelligence, they might have never learnt how to regulate their emotions. Creating Shared Meaning Through Rituals of Connection What rituals of connection do you and your partner have together? For instance, does your partner hardly ever make eye contact, or constantly text on their phone while you’re trying to speak?